It’s the season. It’s the time. It’s the moment. The moment when relatives converge at grandparents’ place to share ideas, great ideas on how they can make the whole extended family to be more united.

Uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces, brothers, sisters and in-laws are all seen coming back home after a busy year. The uncle from Mombasa is seen driving his Lexus 2016 new model back home, the aunt from Nakuru famously called ‘Aunty wa Harrier’ is also seen coming home, the flamboyant 27 year old cousin is also seen driving home with his Mercedes Benz.

When they come home they will always park their vehicles in the open field where all of the family members and neighbours can see them. They will always walk with the car keys in their hands and whenever they need anything they will always point with their car keys. They will always command people who they deem to be less important in the family.

It’s true, if you don’t have money your opinion doesn’t matter in family gatherings. Your questions are termed as a source of confusion.

Things have changed. During our childhood days families used to meet frequently.

Nowadays families only unite when preparing for funerals. They can’t unite to start a family business to employ some of the unemployed family members. They can’t unite as a family to break the chains of poverty that has enslaved them for decades. They can’t support the less fortunate family members because they want them to remain poor and continue feeding under their feet. Family members are competing each others instead of completing each other. Some family members develop chest pains when they hear that son of so and so has flown to Atlanta, Georgia, USA to further his studies. Some family members even visit witches and sorcerers to try and prevent others from succeeding in life. Others keep on planning, plotting and scheming on how they can bring others down.

Before the extended family is united, the nuclear family must be united first. You can’t claim to love your cousin yet you hate your brother. It’s hard to genuinely support your brother in law financially yet you’re full of bitterness with your father.

Stop befriending relatives who hate your mother. Stop discussing your father in the midst of your cousins.

Your father is your father no matter what. He’s a drunkard but he’s your father. He’s unemployed but he’s your father. Yes, he’s always abusing your mother but he’s still your father. Learn from him, but don’t be like him.

Maybe your dad did something bad to you. Maybe he hates you. Maybe you feel like your parents love your siblings more than you. Maybe they are educating others and not you. Maybe you’ve not talked to your mom for the last five years. Maybe you are just living your life. Maybe you’ve just considered your husband’s family to be your family and forgot about your original home. Maybe you feel dishonoured and forgotten.

Forgive and forget. You don’t have to keep your abusive ex-husband in your heart. Forgive and forget your hateful step mother. Let her go.

Parents, let your kids know their cousins at a young age. When cousins meet for the first time when they are 17 years old they might tend to get attracted to each other. Let them know each other and respect each other while still young.

Remember, family gatherings don’t unite families, it’s the families’ unity that gathers the family.

Happy Holidays. Peace, Love and Unity.


Vidambu is an Academic Mentor with over 1600 high schools in Kenya running his academic programs.
His Finishing Strong Academic Mentorship Programs revolve around Syllabus Understanding Strategies, Content Mastery, Content Retention, Content Delivery, Proper Revision Techniques, Time Management Strategies, Working Timetable, Study Book, Classroom/Staffroom Intercordination, Academic Cultures, Study Habits, among other great topics.
He is a Trainer of Principals during KESSHA meetings and teachers.
He is the President of Global Student Mentorship Foundation, Author, and a Lecturer.
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